Wrenched from peace. Foreign, offensive sound assaulting my ears. Eyelids squeeze tight against the light. Confusion and dread combine for an instant. Then comprehension and denial. Rebel. Resist. Legs and arms push against the body next to me. Kick. Shove. Must stop the noise, the attack. Kick again. Anger rises at the injustice, the unfairness. Kick harder. Shove harder. The noise, the noise, the noise won’t stop and it’s torture. Loud, so loud and grating, irritating. The high pitch seems to climb impossibly higher. I want to scream back at it, kill it, make it stop, make it stop, make it stop. Frustration so strong I want to cry. Instead I kick again and again, a tantrum. I cannot control the noise so I lose control of myself.
Then, like a wave of tranquility, silence returns. Anger disappears instantaneously and calm is restored. Relief washed away by the quiet. Tense muscles relax. My only concern, my only adversary is gone and forgotten. The body next to me now a source of comfort, warmth, love. Embrace the warmth. Dissolve back into the peace.
Wrenched from peace. Foreign, offensive sound assaulting my ears. Eyelids squeeze tight against the light. Confusion and dread combine for an instant. Then comprehension and denial. Rebel. Resist. Legs and arms push against the body next to me. Kick. Shove. Must stop the noise, the attack. Kick again. Anger rises at the injustice, the unfairness. Kick harder. Shove harder. The noise, the noise, the noise won’t stop and it’s torture. Loud, so loud and grating, irritating. The high pitch seems to climb impossibly higher. I want to scream back at it, kill it, make it stop, make it stop, make it stop. Frustration so strong I want to cry. Instead I kick again and again, a tantrum. I cannot control the noise so I lose control of myself.
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So at first I thought you were stuck in a car or something. At the end I am going to be honest, I was a bit confused. Is this a dream? I think I either missed or misread something.
ReplyDeleteI like how your use repetition to strengthen your points. This works well in this post.
The length is good because you didn't drag out something that could not be dragged out any longer. One thing would possibly be just to explain a bit more for all those blonde's out there like me. Otherwise, good post.
I have to admit that this piece leaves me confused. I have tried to follow it a few times, but I am not sure where it is supposed to go. The title does not give any insight as to the meaning of the following piece, although I expect it is about a nightmare, waking, then a return to the nightmare. I feel the rage, confusion and fight in the first paragraph, but I cannot find joining words towards a theme: from the sound I started to think alarm, but then it goes to light (sun?) then arms and legs, which made me think (intruder?. I did not understand the sentence “Legs and arms push against the body next to me” which makes me think a third person. Then it goes back to the noise and attack, noise and a tantrum. I cannot find a situation that brings me to identify with this description. When it goes towards the peace, then I figure you awake from a nightmare, and find rest (which I think is a good piece about restored calmness), but then you go back into the confusion again, with exact repetition. I have looked for a subtle change that would explain the return, but I did not find any. So, I leave you with some questions about what you wanted to get across to the reader. I think that depending on your intent, even a title change could provide the clarification for your experience: something, maybe like “The Return of the Snooze Button”; or “Nocturnal Abyss Revisited”…sorry I could not be more helpful. I would love to hear what your intent was, as perhaps, the confusion of a nightmare is exactly what you wanted the reader to feel.
ReplyDeleteI guess I should have added some additional hints. In a way, this is a nightmare - the nightmare I wake up to every weekday morning. My husband is deaf in one ear, so he has to set the alarm very, very loudly. The problem is, whent it goes off, he rolls over on his good ear and ignores it. I wake up to the shock of a full-blast alarm and have to kick at my poor hubby until he hits the snooze button. I always fall immeditaely back to sleep, only to live it over again seven minutes later. I hope that helps!
ReplyDeleteTracie, I love the descriptive language of this piece. I can feel what you’re feeling. The opening lines about squinting your eyes against the light, I can feel that. It is a very good description of (and I’m guessing here) waking up the morning to a buzzing alarm and really, really, REALLY not wanting to get up. And we’re all guilty of hitting snooze too many times. The way you break up the paragraphs is the way it occurs in my bedroom every morning: alarm screaming at me, hit snooze for a nine minute stretch, then alarm screaming again. I get it. I like it. Well done.
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